12,000 Years of Mourning

 If I did anything right in my younger years, I must confess that I did try to save my soul.

Just like any young, know-it-all-punk, yes, I did do some foolish things.

I have to admit that one of the hardest things that I faced was getting a divorce.

Being cheated on and finding out that a kid that I really cared about was not mine slowly ate away at my already fragile young male mind. 

Now that I’m older, I do look to the stars at night asking God what’s this all for?

Life?

To watch grown men like me walk around afraid to love.

So many eager to settle the score.

To watch innocent children be killed by unhealthy adults.

People who are afraid or cannot find true love, hiding from the fact that they’re dying inside slowly, especially the ones who’ve been hurt.

Is life ever enough?

Why are so many of us so eager for something more?

Some being turned into vengeful monsters, running through sex partners of all shapes, sizes, and colors.

Some sit in a room combing through online images and videos to ease the feeling of deep loneliness.

So, I, like them, ask God is this living?

Must I be cursed like King David?

Or are you a merciful God that will uplift my spirits every time I fail?

Now, at age 40, I’ve watch friends and family strung out on drugs, drunk, and many now dead.

Alone in a room, I too wonder if I’m just a King that needs to ask God for more strength, or am I just a bum left for dead by his people?

Am I a wondering power like King Solomon waiting for his temple?

Am I walking through the underworld here to save souls, or am I a buried mummy, already dead, only to awake after 12,000 years?

So here I am, battered and bruised, in mourning for all that I’ve lost only to realize a God of compassion, a God that’s a friend, and a God unlike described by many on Earth. A God that forgives, and a God that understands. In the end, I must say that he did answer my questions, and after 12,000 years of mourning, he lifted me up. 

Asleep, I awoke to a new day in my own little temple with a chance to try again and get it right.

I feel better now. 

Virgins all around me, blessing me with their time, showing that they care.

Genuine love and affection. 

I’ve reached paradise.