Saturday, December 26, 2020

Alexis & the Cookie Jar

 “Oh my, what a fine species the humans have made, tell me little girl, what is your name?” the flying goat asked.

“My daddy told me never to talk to strangers,” Alexis replied.

“Sweet child, do you want to start off the new year being a misfit? No one listens to their parents anymore they listen to me, the flying goat.”

Alexis noticed the cookie jar in his hands, “I’ll tell you my name if you give me a cookie.”

“Oh, so you want to make a deal,” the goat replied.

“Yes, I’ll tell you my name for the cookies,” she said.

“I want you to read the warning label first,” the goat said smiling.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how to read,” Alexis said gloating at the jar filled with cookies.

“But child, to make a deal I need something in return, I need you to tell me your name,” the goat explained to Alexis.

“My name is Alexis.”

The goat then gave her the cookie jar and watched her eat every cookie, he just watched and smiled as she got full and passed out on the floor. When she awoke in 2021 she realized that she gained 150 pounds and had no teeth. She also noticed that the goat was gone, she’d been tricked.

Alexis and the cookie jar.

The End.

Tuesday, December 22, 2020

King David & Esquire

 “Sir, what is there left to conquer?” Esquire asked King David.

“There’s one more thing,” King David replied.

Esquire couldn’t help but notice the picture in King David’s hand. It was a picture of his wife who committed suicide.

“I was a bastard child, a bastard child who grew up only to find out that God was the only father that I had left; Esquire, a bastard child who rose to be king because the man who raised me gave me a toy for Christmas. Why did he favor me out of all men to lead Judah and why did he allow me to call him Dad?” King David asked letting go of his wife’s picture as it fell to the ground.

“Sir, I don’t understand, you have everything and still you’re not satisfied. What is God telling you?” Esquire said.

“Nathaniel...” King David went silent.

Esquire put his hand on his shoulder as King David fell to the ground searching for his wife’s picture. 

“Nathaniel what?” Esquire said.

“He came to me last night in a dream. I saw him abusing my mother but for some reason when he was done he gave me a toy.”

Drowning in confusion, Esquire took a seat.

“Nathaniel died in combat. Do you want me to cancel Christmas, Sir?” Esquire asked.

“No, but I think I know what the dream meant.”

Esquire grew more curious about what was going on in King David’s thoughts.

“There’s an army in the East that wears all black and I hear that they have over a billion soldiers. They killed the only father that I knew.” King David said.

Esquire couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “Great King, that is the most ruthless army known to man. If they killed Nathaniel, what will they do to you?”

King David stood strong, “I think what God was telling me in the dream was that my mother symbolizes me, Nathaniel symbolizes the army and the toy symbolizes peace. I’m going to die in battle but the person that I want to kill will give our people peace. I know this wasn’t the end that you expected Esquire, but in this life I’ll never have peace because I can’t let go of my past.” 

Esquire took a look at the North Star in the night sky, “Is it God’s will, Sir?”

David pointed to the pictures of all of the battles that he’d won with God’s help, “It’s God’s will, Esquire.”

After the battle, Esquire and the people of Westland mourned the death of their King. Esquire took to the throne later and followed through with David’s dream. In the end every army kneeled to a dead warrior who went up against a billion men while also knowing his fate. This story lived on throughout the ages because Esquire made it Judah’s prayer. After that gruesome final battle and the aftermath of a life of peace, Esquire fell to sleep only to wake up in another life. Not comprehending that he’d been reborn in another life he heard the voice of King David. 

“You can die a thousand times on earth, but there’s always hope in a dream.”

They won the battle; for the world had been fooled.

Thursday, December 17, 2020

Stanley & the Worker Bees 🐝

Once again it was a few months before Christmas time for the worker bees, but this year they had a problem, there were some killer hornets moving in on the worker bees territory.

“I don’t appreciate how Stanley has been letting those killer hornets push him around,” Curtis said searching for pollen.

“Yeah, the queen bee has been very frustrated with him not meeting his quota. He may have to find another hive if he doesn’t get it together,” Keshawn said, agreeing with Curtis.

Stanley was soft and gullible, but somehow he could last throughout the winter while the other bees would become frozen stiff in hibernation. As fall came to an end the cold weather started to set in. 

Every winter Stanley would keep watch on the queen bee while all of the other bees were frozen solid including the queen. Stanley was a freak of nature. As Christmas came around he heard chainsaws cutting down nearby trees, realizing that he had no help, he knew he had to protect the hive. 

“I have to be brave,” he kept saying to himself over and over again. Noticing the killer hornets hive had been frozen too he pushed it down and watched it crash onto the head of the Christmas tree dealer knocking him out cold. 

Stanley then noticed that the sawing had stopped. After the Christmas tree dealer had been rushed to the hospital, Stanley retreated to the hive and couldn’t wait until winter was over to tell his story. Stanley spent the rest of the winter building a defense system around the hive. It took him all winter to complete his project. In the spring when all of the other worker bees came out of hibernation they couldn’t believe what Stanley had done. The queen bee buzzed so much energy into Stanley that it made him work even harder, he was now the top worker bee. No longer soft and gullible, Stanley created a day for all worker bees to work and be merry. He called his newfound holiday “Workmazz.”

Merry Workmazz,

From Stanley and the worker bees 🐝 

Saturday, December 5, 2020

God is never satisfied

 There’s a man on top of the world, but still it’s never enough...

There’s a woman who owns land in every country, but still it’s never enough...

We’ve all witnessed miracles then decided to go right back into the pit, it’s never enough.

The universe is just too much for one mind or for one man to figure out. Can you see the wind without smoke? When fire burns does it not consume everything in its path until there is nothing left but’s never enough.

My advice to you while you’re drowning in your sorrows and boasting in your own glory is to worship God... worship until your soul leaves your vessel and rises to the heavens while keeping one thing in mind: God is never satisfied.

If you don’t believe me, then climb a mountain, break a finger nail and watch it heal.

God wants you to keep trying because just like you, he’s never satisfied.

If you still don’t believe me, skip a few meals and go hungry, when you finally decide to eat and get full — tomorrow I bet you’ll be hungry again.

How ironic that our eyes are only made to see the bigger things even when there is air right in front of us.

You can clean a whistle until it disappears only to find dirt on your rag.

I’ll conclude, God is never satisfied, keep praying and keep worshiping, he’s not done yet. 

His hunger for more never ends, so give him everything, give him your all.

God is never satisfied.

Wednesday, December 2, 2020

The sad truth about sports

 You can be good...

You can be the best...

But the sad truth about sports is that the majority of the people will not like you or remember you unless you win.

In the end you learn five things:

1. A true fan is there through thick and thin; win, lose or draw.

2. A true teammate will say next game we’ll get it, we just have to work together.

3. A person who works hard will help you work harder.

4. Talent comes in all forms.

5. If you die doing something you love, you’ve won.

The sad truth about sports.