The golden harvest, the rich colorful leaves falling to the ground. Even on a sad day I just had to take a moment to breathe. I had to take a moment to leave it all behind. Even if some people in the world hate me I saw perfection in the autumn sunshine.
Sunday, October 29, 2023
I wanted a moment to reflect.
My intent was to spend some time outside.
Growing older, I’d learned to admire the natural shifts of the new season.
The golden colors; the vibrant earth tones of falling leaves.
Alone in a room while lifting weights, I decided to go for an autumn run.
It was good.
Tuesday, October 17, 2023
Running in circles, I could feel the insoles in my track spikes heating up from the friction and traction of an intense race. Nearly collapsing at the finishline it was a photo finish.
“You did it Greg,” I heard my best friend Tina say out of my good ear.
Slowly trying to catch my breath, I looked up in the stands and saw no one. This ate away at my psyche. I was slowly turning into a maniac, determined to win and meet the grades, I was literally reading everything and no one around me could keep up. I was just too good at everything, somehow I managed to tame my ego, but my family of drunks and drug addicts weren’t helping me when I had to face reality. I often made friends with the oddest people, they found inspiration in my knowledge and generous attitude. Deep inside I wanted to be this tough perfect guy but that just wasn’t reality. No matter how hard I studied and advanced in ranks the memories haunted me. I just couldn’t let go. It was like I’d been standing on a mountain top alone. I had no stable support system. While everyone was going to church and finding time to waste, there I was in a room studying. I’d literally watched an entire civilization of people tormented by lack of knowledge and resources and the more I tried to help the harder it got for me. Yearning for companionship, I stumbled across my old high school friend Tina’s number in an old phone and, yes, I was now older, but even with all of my accolades I was still unhappy. Roaming the aisle at grocery stores I couldn’t imagine how some of the women could come outside dressed the way they did. I literally couldn’t help but notice a man by the register watching this one particular lady with curves to die for, and there he stood drooling and fantasizing. Back at home the news of the war in the Middle East kept my attention. I’d come to learn that the harder some people tried to fix other folks’ thinking, the worst it seemed to get, and in a system filled with opportunist, laws to the ignorant were like video games being played and everyone trying to win and some people just couldn’t keep up. Time is good though, time smoothens things out. One thought led to another and a terrible conversation with my drunk mother motivated me to call Tina. Hearing her answer after the fourth ring caused me to shiver.
“Hello,” she said, awaiting a response.
“Ahh, hello, is this Tina…Tina Smith?”
“Yes, this is she.”
“Oh, hey, this is Greg. We were best friends in high school.”
“Oh my God! Hi Greg. I haven’t spoken to you in years. How are you?”
“I’m good,” I responded, feeling my heart pouring out as much as I could, desiring the small phone reunion.
Man, we had to talk for hours. From the recent news to just everything ordinary. Then it hit me again. My ego, I was not ordinary anymore, but I knew I needed this woman. Tina’s life remained stationary while I excelled, but she kept her phone by her every time I called and needed a friend. Tina had become my outlet, even with all of her three children and baby daddy drama stories, she found hope in me, out of all of her mistakes. Realizing that I needed a break, I took a vacation and took a trip home after years on the overtime list of my highly paid technical job. While home, I figured I would surprise Tina so I knocked on her door in an unexpected visit. I broke a cardinal rule but Tina was always Tina. She answered and was still full of genuine love. This was what I wanted, it was what I needed. Seeing her two girls and son made me leave every doubt behind, Tina had something that I never had. She had a family, I mean, yes, the fathers were not around but I had to be with this woman. She had just a high school degree but she carried herself like a lady. Curly hair, brown eyes, and the aura of a goddess. Sitting on her couch we talked for hours and that’s really all I needed. We didn’t even touch each other but we just kept talking about everything, and at the end of the night on my way out she hugged me and looked me in the eyes.
“I love you Greg, I’ve always loved you, but I know you need more. You need a woman on your level, Greg, the world needs you and I would just hold you back. Would you leave it all behind just to coach me and my children just to be able to keep up with your life?”
Hearing her say that crushed me like a grape falling from a fruit stand on a busy street.
I’d snapped, I couldn’t accept the story of my life. Honestly, I was never good enough, and even when I was too good, I wasn’t good enough to be on the ground level. Apparently Tina didn’t feel we were equally yoked but the attraction was there, I felt it. Falling off of my love high I found myself back home alone and I just couldn’t stop thinking about Tina. It was like there were voices on the other side giving me a vision of something that could possibly work or could it just be me? I mean, yes, there were plenty of fish in the sea and that’s when it happened. She came all the way to me. She surprised me and knocked at my door with her kids and all of her bags. What a surprise.
Speechless, I found myself in a love story destined for a happy ending. I guess love comes in many different forms. I guess the offer I made to her to come live with me sold. From my time as a track star, to my lonely nights advancing in the corporate world, I became a husband and a father in less than three years. The outcast nerdy kid found his soulmate in a high school prom queen whose heart was broken over and over again but left everything to not only better herself but better me.
When I snapped, Tina snapped me back into shape, she snapped me back down to earth. Together, we somehow snapped into love. It was just me, her, and the kids now and my life was complete. I guess even when you’re at the top of your game, in the end we’re all just ordinary people yearning to fall in love. Miraculously, Tina and I lasted. We made it til death do us part. I wrote this note for our kids. I kindly told them that even love has its ups and downs, but true love last a lifetime. Because of their parents, all of our children believed in love. They were not afraid of it. Tina and I made that possible.
Saturday, October 14, 2023
In the night we slept.
It was quiet.
We were all taken up to the top of the mountain.
Floating on pure vibes we assembled as one.
We were united like birds in the sky.
Seeing the flow of negative energy headed our way we held hands and walked together in our cleansed tunics.
Our force, our bond, and our strength could not be broken.
The inheritance that we were to partake of was far better than the offer made on earth.
Everyday we elevated into a more superior being and as the elements gravitated around us the promise was kept, our reach was infinite, beyond measure.
We could do anything.
Flawless, we began to allow a divine presence to take control. It was our power.
In that sense, we were perfect beings used for a greater purpose, for the world needed our strength to survive.
Our aura was like that of cleansing water and our knowledge created unmoved intellect.
Observing the cunning creatures roaming in the darkness of night, we introduced to them a better way.
A new beginning.
As they grasped our hands in hopes of a better tomorrow, the instruments of a more purified sound gave them the understanding of our language.
They too began to comprehend.
Looking back at a cruel dark past they began to see the light at the end of the tunnel and they too saw miracles.
They too felt victory that they so yearned for and a life that so many others told them didn’t exist.
In the end, we all sat in a garden embracing our family reunion, for we were all children of Abraham waiting for our father to embrace us and show us the rest of our family tree.
Our end led us back to our roots and we were reborn again and again, for our gift was life.
Children of Abraham
Tuesday, October 10, 2023
In life some people will love you and some people will hate you.
Everyday is different, everyday is brand new.
To see people die because of hate should give everyone a reason to love.
Friends, the world is filled with amazing people, places, and beliefs.
We’re all different and we all paint a different picture of life.
To kill in the name of one’s own belief is to rob yourself of the beauty of someone else’s.
A wise man knows that when two prophets disagree they do not kill nor do they cause terror, they negotiate in a peaceful manner and a prophet that wages war on innocent people in the name of God may desire the extinction of God’s greatest creation but friends when people love they have sex and create more people. Simply put, is man’s wrath really God’s wrath or is man’s wrath simply hate or a misunderstanding of a prophet’s teachings?
I say this because I’ve come to accept that sometimes the sky is blue, sometimes the sky is white, sometimes the sky is gray, sometimes the sky is red, orange, and even black.
Some people love it when the sky is gray and some people hate it.
Friends, the point is that we’re all different, and while some people train their mind to hate, the ones who train their mind to love usually make the world much better.
In memory of those lost in the wars on terror.
I’ve learn to love peace & hate war.
Monday, October 9, 2023
It was a casual conversation.
It gave me hope.
I came back to the store and found my entire crew hanging from a rope.
Hmm, this could be because of dope, I explained to my right hand man who I kindly paid for his fair share of work.
He left smiling with Teresa who loves to twerk.
Kim’s not answering her phone, I wonder if she’s woke or just treating me like a joke.
Just yesterday, I was labeled a jerk, but here comes Sandy and Donna too.
They put up a front just as good as Sue.
Political gurus, businesses, by all religious means, the reverend only seems to answer after he’s been seen.
Gina just watched terror run through her entire neighborhood, somebody was spying and spilled the beans.
Folks let me remind you, that when you’re wheeling and dealing nothing is what it seems.
At the end of the day everyone’s trying to make a buck and it’s all love until you run out of luck.
Wheeling & Dealing
Wednesday, October 4, 2023
Am I just here to rot and die?
To grow old with young dreams.
What is this all for?
Is it the test of time?
Is it brutal torment to feel victory one day then the next watching everyone and everything I love fade away while I sit in a room alone with just memories?
Am I here to be hurt over and over again only to fall in love with the same fate?
Am I here to see prison bars, and inmates with pure hopes of redemption?
What is my purpose?
Am I here to watch cancer eat away at my longevity?
Am I here to lead a bunch of people to the promised land?
Is it my fault that in the beginning there was a flaw?
I won’t question God, but I have to find a reason to keep going.
I have to find a reason to live.
Is it to be rich and have everything only to never feel satisfied?
Is it to watch the foolish run free and wild?
Is it to party until I tip over?
I guess without something to believe in there is no reason to ask why.
To whom do I question?
Is it you God when the wind blows my door shut?
Is it you God that gives me strength in times of weakness?
Whom do I trust in?
After I’ve proven my point over and over, I too someday will find the answer to why I have to get up every day and face the world.
I guess it’s to climb the mountain.
I guess it’s to run a thousand miles.
I guess it’s to fly like the birds.
If the answer is to fail over and over again, I guess the real reason I’m here is to keep trying.