The 48 Laws of Work

1. When you get laid off, go do a job that nobody else has the courage to do and take over the company. It’s hard work to rebound, so let the layoff teach you how to tightrope with no safety net.

2. When you feel like you’re going to pass out on the job, take a legal break, then work til close.

3. When the people that you’re working for take expensive vacations and try to lock you into a terrible contract, take what you have left and go work somewhere else, because there’s a good chance that they’re making contingency plans without you on those phone calls and long expensive vacations.

4. If you own a business and do all of the work, sleep at your business from time to time to make people think you’re psychotic, it will teach them to work just as hard as you.

5. Never be afraid to work until you sweat, it will tighten up those abs and keep you healthy. Give your doctor a break, he or she will have time to work on something else.

6. If you’re married or in a relationship, clean up after yourself, brag about work, and if it snows shovel the persons driveway. I promise they will miss you when things need to get done. 

7. If people are in church on Sunday go outside and cut the grass and listen to the audio bible so when they try and bring you into their religion you can be prepared. Always remember God loves work.

8. Remember the art of work is always at play, it will teach you how to cook, clean, act, build, and even be educated, so work, especially in your spare time.

9. Teach your children how to work and they will think of you while working with slackers. They may even bring you up while teaching others what you taught them.

10. Get mad at yourself when you’re not working hard enough.

11. Eat and work to burn off the excess nutrients. It will make you hungry. And never lose your hunger, even if you have too much, a person who has a lot to work for keeps working.

12. If your right hand is broken use your left; if everything is broken use your mind. You never know what you’re going to need to work.

13. Powerful people may be powerful, but powerful people are not powerful with no work.

14. When you dream about work wake-up and live out your dreams.

15. If someone says you’re a hard worker, thank them and get back to work. Word of mouth is everything.

16. If you’re working, you’re showing the world your method of work. They’re always studying.

17. Take pride in your time sheets, save them and even frame them, that way if someone tries to cheat you or call you a slacker, you can show everyone the proof that you’re not. Especially if you worked overtime.

18. You have to think that if you’re not working nothing is getting done. It will help you feel needed and wanted.

19. If you get fired, learn how to work for yourself, you will feel more appreciated and it will force you to work harder.

20. Sports is just a fancy word for work, play, but learn the rules, because even coaches have to work, and you never know when your number will be called.

21. If you love talking about work, write a book about it, it’s still work.

22. If someone tries to get free work out of you be ready for a fight later, no work is free, even if it’s training, it’s your time and your time has to pay for how you like to spend it.

23. If you’re a soldier, keep all of your uniforms, you will also need them in the civilian world to work in while serving veteran organizations.

24. If you believe in God, trust in him and he will bless your work, keep you safe, bless your pay, and give you strength.

25. Good work is a mystery, it’s like life and death because in life things have to get done and in death your soul probably latches on to something else that works. Who really knows? Energy has to go back to the source.

26. If someone tells you that you can’t work your way into heaven because you’re working so hard, there’s a good chance that they’re working for a clergy. Give them your professions business card, they may need your help.

27. If you were bullied as a child or treated bad, take it out on your work. It will help you work harder.

28. If you like to have sex or do devilish things, occupy yourself with work to learn how to better use your time.

29. Never treat a worker bad, eventually you will become a victim of bad karma. Everyone complains to someone.

30. Nothing can get done without work.

31. When you’re working you’re not guilty of doing nothing.

32. Ask the person responsible for a party if they need help cleaning up afterwards, it could land you a job and keep you safe if something conjures up outside the party. It may even land you VIP tickets.

33. Even at amusement parks, take pictures, play games, and scream with joy while riding the fun rides, it takes a lot of work and planning to build amusement parks, and keep them up and safely running. You’re keeping the workers working and the park in business.

34. When a politician runs for office and makes laws, make sure that they’re not plotting to keep you from working. If they are, then vote for someone who understands work.

35. Don’t be so quick to sue, be quick to work, because if you sue, you may shut people out of work, and there’s a good chance that you won’t know what to do with all of the money. Heck, someone might turn around and sue you.

36. Learn how to work safely, it will help you work longer.

37. Be kind to your fellow workers, it will make the working experience better.

38. Concentrate on work, it will make the time go by faster.

39. If you work at a factory, the assembly line is either you or a machine, try to out work the machine so it doesn’t replace you.

40. If you work fast food, never quit because you may need that job later on in life.

41. If you feel that you’re being treated unfairly while working, go work somewhere else.

42. If you hate the people you work for, go work somewhere else.

43. If you work for the government and you don’t like it, remember, they know where you live, they know everything about you, and it’s the taxpayer’s money. Be ready to die on the job or work until you have no choice but to resign or retire. If you quit, trust me, in the end, you still have to answer to them.

44. If you have to become a whistleblower, learn how to work with the law, you will have a lot of new enemies so remember, heroes are surrounded by victims and villains.

45. Independent work is the hardest because everyone else maybe used to the industry. Your workmates will learn one thing from being independent, and that’s to stand on their own two feet.

46. If you work on a very hot day, you will appreciate water or something to drink. You may even dive into it.

47. A worker who is never tired has mastered the art of skillful labor or just may not be working hard enough.

48. On Labor Day, read the 48 laws of work and if someone steals anything from you or even your passion to work, kindly wash their feet. If karma is real, there’s a good chance that they will need you when everyone goes on strike.