My speech describing “Evil”

I walk onto the stage to give my speech, I then speak into the microphone:
Hello everyone,
I’m going to talk about the word evil today, I even googled the 10 most evil people of all time. Frightening results by the way. My understanding of this word “Evil” deserves some attention so I decided it would be a good topic. Over the course of my 37 years of living, I’ve witnessed myself and the people around me do some very strange things. I’ve often wondered what’s the true definition of evil. The description can be developed over time in how a person responds when they can or cannot get what they desire. Evil can also be a complete disconnection from what a person views as right or wrong when reaching for their desires. Don’t confuse evil with religious or political evil, these are different types of evil, it’s like security at a place of worship or guards making sure an evil dictator survives. It’s confusing and makes no sense, so don’t try to figure it out, I tried, and got no where because I’m good. The last basic description of evil can be defined as someone with no conscience. As time goes on and people become more aware of their surroundings, they often think that discipline is evil, but discipline often prepares us to escape real evil, so don’t get too comfortable.
After my description I take my speech, fold it up, and prepare to exit the stage, because I have a conscience, I’ll say:
 “Thanks for your time,” and you, as the stage manager, will say:
 “Are you thirsty?” I’ll reply:
 “I’m good.” You will say:
“Huh?” And I’ll say:
 “I’m good, damn, it’s the opposite of evil. What more do you want me to say? I’m good, I’m going to sit my big as$ down, sh$t, I’m tired, studying evil has worn me out. I’m too old for this sh$t. You may need that water to put the fire out, sh$t, it’s hot as hell in here.
The audience claps,
I’ll then say: “Oh Sh$t, is this thing still on?” You then proceed to turn on the air conditioner and I go sit my big as$ down.
Everything is now all good.
I got a standing ovation, I guess every coin has two sides.