Green & Gold

I left her alone. Why did I do that? She was a gift to this world, but after seeing so many tragedies she just couldn’t take it anymore.

Starring at her picture, I became overwhelmed with grief.

God did you take her because I loved her? I could hear an inner part of my conscience telling me not to question. Alone in the room where we used to talk, I couldn’t help but marvel at the beautiful portrait that we had specially made when we got engaged. How do you die before the wedding? How do I go on? 

God help me.

Shortly after tipping over in my sorrows, I found myself on the floor. A fifty year old man drowning in the loss of the love of his life. What do I live for now? 

“Justin, Justin, get up. How long have you been on the floor?”

I could hear someone saying as I was slowly waking up.

“Go away!” I shout, noticing a small glare of light shining through my cracked door.

The room was pitch black. I made sure every blind was closed so I knew it had to be my sister, she’s the only one I gave a key to.

“Mom told me to check on you. Are you okay?”

I figured she didn’t hear the sad news.

“Francis is gone, Phillis. She didn’t make it through the treatments. She died while you were away.” I explained to my sister.

Reaching for my glasses, the room got silent.

“I’m sorry to hear that, I know you loved her.”

My sister and I had never talked about our relationships but I guess there’s a time for everything.

“How did she die?” Phillis asked, noticing me slowly opening up to converse more. 

“She killed herself because she couldn’t take the treatments,” I replied.

Sitting there with my sister, I’d been tough all of my life, but I’d lost a lot of people dear to me. Noticing my grey hair I couldn’t fathom where I was getting the strength to carry on from because I was scarred. Even when I got back to work it wasn’t the same. When Francis died, I guess a part of me died also. I didn’t date for years and even when I tried, nothing could replace me seeing her in her green and gold nightgown the night I proposed. What I didn’t know is that while I was questioning God he was showing me things, preparing me to guide the next generation. When my students heard my story and how I didn’t give up on life it made them stronger. Everyday I came in to teach class they developed a different kind of hope. I became their role model, their family away from home. When they gave me a card with a picture of Francis in her green and gold dress, I began to understand why I had to be in my students’ life. They helped me heal and I gave them strength. I became their good luck charm, they passed every test.

Green & Gold