Cheap

I count every dollar, even the dollars that I save, that leaves me with just enough to get my driveway paved.
Cheap is like stretching the money that you have.
It's like leaving one hand free so you have one hand to grab.
It's not that being cheap is bad, it's just that saving makes me feel good.
I just used my last dime to buy a small piece of cheap firewood.
When a business post a sale for $1.99,
I take my one cent and throw it in my own wishing well,
then I drain the water out to wash my feet,
and later take the change inside the well to buy something cheap to eat.
My savings account is a wonderful idea,
but I'm so cheap, why use a bank?
I'll just put the money that I have left over in my gas tank.
When the price of gas goes over three dollars,
I'll buy cheap shoes and walk like a toddler.
My merchandise may fall apart or may not last that long,
but if cheap is right then how can I go wrong?
Cheap is not bad, it works for women and men too,
why buy a ring when you can't even afford a clue.
I'll buy a rubber-band at the price of 25 cents to put around my girl's finger,
why buy a ring that I'll pawn when she chooses to turn off her ringer.
When times get tough and I get scammed for trying to be rich,
I'll take my last dollar and bury myself in a ditch.
Look how much I saved on the funeral, what a day,
see what cheap does to you,
when you've spent your entire life having to pay.