So Help Me God

I will if you ask me. 
If you don't, then everything you know is at an end.
Is the way you live not proof that I've been with you?
When you are at the pit of filth and corruption, drowning in your own sorrows.
When power enters your heart and you rule with no knowledge of me, why beg for the mercy of your next generations?
Is it not I alone that provides?
Is it not I alone that brings intellect to the dumb?
Is it not I alone that proves with your own attitude and life that there is a piece of me in you?
Who codes your DNA?
Who codes the universe and can count the stars that you see at night?
Every victory will be your defeat, every smile and inkling of love and affection, the gifts that I give to the common man, I'll hold dear to myself as I alone have kept my promises throughout the generations. 
Without I, there is nothing;
in the depths of space there is darkness, 
I alone am all. 
I alone have given power to the weak and strength to those who ask. 
My spirit roams the earth, seeking hearts eager to be pure and divine. 
How easily forgotten am I to those who study the depths of the universe. 
How easily forgotten am I to those with plenty. 
How easily forgotten am I to those that possess unlimited power in a world full of light and darkness. Have I not shown mercy to the oppressed?
Have I not shown mercy to those with life and show no mercy at all?
Have I not provided for every bloodline, providing them all with free will?
Am I not real justice, all knowing, and all powerful?
Think, desire, and believe in me and I'll fill your heart, mind, body and soul with all that I am.
Like an artist, I alone, create the masterpieces that you see in life.
Like an artist, I alone, create miracles.
So Help Me God. 
I will if you ask me. 

The Business Plan

Dear Bank,
I'm a graduate of You can do it University and I need to borrow some money to open up You can do it Laboratories, where we examine and teach people how to do it. I would like to request funds in the amount of $300,000 of which $25,000 will be used to build a statue of me giving my customers a thumbs up. All my life I've never been afraid to try new things, so if my business plan fails then I'll try to pay it back the best way I can.

Sincerely,
Thumbs Up!

Confusion

Confusion is how I got lost in a huge globe filled with water and dirt.
One day I was told that my mother was not my real mother and that I needed to eat ten grams of salt a day to stay healthy. 
The reality is that my mother is my real mother and I can choose to eat what I can afford or grow it myself. 
Confusion is how I got lost in a huge globe filled with water and dirt.
Who am I?...hmm. 
When I became certain, I decided to live with my choices while also accepting the consequences of my actions.
Confusion is how I got lost in a huge globe filled with water and dirt.

Cheap

I count every dollar, even the dollars that I save, that leaves me with just enough to get my driveway paved.
Cheap is like stretching the money that you have.
It's like leaving one hand free so you have one hand to grab.
It's not that being cheap is bad, it's just that saving makes me feel good.
I just used my last dime to buy a small piece of cheap firewood.
When a business post a sale for $1.99,
I take my one cent and throw it in my own wishing well,
then I drain the water out to wash my feet,
and later take the change inside the well to buy something cheap to eat.
My savings account is a wonderful idea,
but I'm so cheap, why use a bank?
I'll just put the money that I have left over in my gas tank.
When the price of gas goes over three dollars,
I'll buy cheap shoes and walk like a toddler.
My merchandise may fall apart or may not last that long,
but if cheap is right then how can I go wrong?
Cheap is not bad, it works for women and men too,
why buy a ring when you can't even afford a clue.
I'll buy a rubber-band at the price of 25 cents to put around my girl's finger,
why buy a ring that I'll pawn when she chooses to turn off her ringer.
When times get tough and I get scammed for trying to be rich,
I'll take my last dollar and bury myself in a ditch.
Look how much I saved on the funeral, what a day,
see what cheap does to you,
when you've spent your entire life having to pay.