Monday, May 11, 2020

The Possum’s Buffet

Eddie and Lisa would always put the trash out and wakeup to a driveway filled with garbage scattered everywhere.
“What are we going to do Eddie? There’s trash everywhere,” Lisa said standing in the driveway.
“Everything will be fine sweetheart, I promise,” Eddie replied, in assurance to his wife.
Pete was the head possum in charge, he had established a whole food network to feed hungry and poor possums all over the country.
“7057 West Blvd, is where we’re headed tonight gang. Ooh wee, that Miss Randle always cooks ribs on Fridays. I can’t wait to taste that Jack Staples barbecue sauce. It’s possum licking good baby. Do you see me vibrating? I can’t wait!” Pete said at his daily briefing.
After his daily briefing the possums headed to Miss Randle’s and as usual she had leftover ribs in the trash.
“Oh my word, ain’t it good Pee Wee,” Pete said, stuffing his face.
“Damn Pee Wee, save some for Miss Carleen,” Smiter, one of the junior possums said.
Pee Wee got upset, “You need to stop treating me like a baby, if it wasn’t for me, no one would have ever known about Eddie and Lisa’s fried chicken night.”
“He’s got a point there, now come on, we got just enough food for the camp,” Pete told the gang as they headed out.
“Wait, where’s Arcenio?”
“I’ma comin, almost forgot my bag cutter,” Arcenio said as they all headed home.
“I’m doing the cutting next time, you’re too slow. You got to slice in the down direction, it’s much faster,” Pee Wee explained to Arcenio.
The next day was simple, Pete laid out the ultimate plan to get in and out of the new bin that little Pee Wee had discover over Eddie and Lisa’s house.
“Alright gang, we’re headed into Eddie and Lisa’s territory. This is our second time, so I don’t plan on it being easy like it was before, but don’t worry, I got a plan if things don’t go our way. Good luck gang, let’s do it! Happy Meals Baby!” Pete said adjourning the meeting.
They all headed to Lisa and Eddie’s house. Pee Wee grabbed his blade and began to cut the trash bag open.
“Ahh Yeah, we almost in,” Pee Wee said.
Eddie then busted through the door with his gun out.
“Ahh hell nah, he got a gun! Let’s get the hell out of here,” Pee Wee said looking back for a head count.
In the midst of all of the commotion Smiter noticed that Pete was not running with them. Everyone stopped when they realized that Pete was still at the house.
“What is he doing?” Arcenio said as they all watched Pete from a distance.
Pee Wee put his blade away, “It looks like he’s talking Eddie down.”
When Eddie heard the possum talking he couldn’t believe it.
“Look Eddie, I’m sorry, let them go, there’s no need for guns. Lets iron this out like men, me and you,” Pete said as Eddie put down the gun.
“Listen if you want to eat my trash, at least clean up after yourselves. My wife don’t like it when she wakes up and there’s garbage everywhere,” Eddie explained.
“I’ll let everyone know, from now on Eddie, we’ll leave everything spic and span. I promise,” Pete said.
“Good, now go on and catch up with your friends,” Eddie replied waiving Pete off.
Pete now had Pee Wee’s full attention, “So what he say?”
Smiter wanted in too,“Yeah, what did he say?”
“He said we can eat, but we just have to clean up after ourselves. I’m sorry guys, but I couldn’t give that house up. Lisa’s chicken made be break the possum code of never talking to a human,” Pete said to his boys as they headed back home.
After that day, every house the possums hit they cleaned up after themselves. They soon noticed that people were leaving out extra stuff for them to eat. With less trash, it was less work for the garbage man. Possums and humans all around the country started signing contracts. The president even passed the Possum Buffet Act, giving every possum the right to eat trash as long as they cleaned up after themselves. Once raccoons heard about this they got in on the Buffet Act too.
The End.

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