Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Extreme Scripted Democracy

Fade In
MIKE: So what’s the word boss?
CRUZE: The President just choked the Surgeon General on global television, we’re at war with each other in the midst of madness. What else is new?
(CRUZE gets up and walks to the window.)
MIKE: Well, he fired everybody last week. What can we do? He’s the President.
CRUZE: Get on the phone with the leaders of the shadow government.
MIKE: No ones heard from them since the virus started spreading.
CRUZE: Damn! Everything’s falling apart. You know MIKE this job used to be simple. You came in, took orders and then got things done. Now the laws are all upside down. Everyone just does whatever the hell they want to do.
MIKE: Well, do you want to pull out (MIKE pauses and slowly grabs his brass knuckles out of his pocket) the “Whatever Act?”
CRUZE: Hell yeah, let’s do whatever the hell we want to do for a change, then when things get better and the dust settles, everything will be back to normal. Everybody for themselves.
(MIKE and CRUZE leave the room and start saying and doing whatever the hell they want as they enter a press conference.)
MIKE: You know CRUZE, I never liked you.
(CRUZE pushes MIKE into a reporter and smacks him over the head with a flag pole.)
CRUZE: I know this is what you reporters have been waiting for, so we’re going to give you what you want. A real congressional, aggressive, state of the union brawl and debate for your viewers.
(CRUZE begins to choke MIKE right in the middle of the conference. He takes MIKE by the hair and puts his face up to the camera.)
CRUZE: Hey! Jennifer, you work for CSB NEWS right? Get that camera over here, I have a message for the country.
(Jennifer gracefully puts the camera on the action.)
CRUZE: My fellow countrymen and countrywomen, the “Whatever Act” is in full effect. We’re going to do whatever the hell we want to do because the whole world has done whatever the hell they want to do with your tax dollars.
(CRUZE takes MIKE by the head and shoves the “Whatever Act” paper in his mouth.)
CRUZE: And to all of you new citizens, welcome to the Wild-Wild-West!
(CRUZE then takes MIKE’s head then puts it to the camera again.)
CRUZE: Spit out the “Whatever Act” and tell the people: “The stimulus money is on its way.”
MIKE: The stimulus money is on its way.
(A lawn chair comes flying through the window.)
Fade to black.

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